The ex-EastEnders star – who played Gray Atkins – hopes to shine a light on paternal mental health and help other struggling fathers with a new film

Soap favourite Toby-Alexander Smith has opened up about his feelings of failure as a new dad.

The ex-EastEnders star – who played Gray Atkins – hopes to shine a light on paternal mental health and help other struggling fathers with a new film. Finding Calm, which draws on the actor’s own experiences, tells the story of a first-time dad who feels disconnected from his son.

Toby, 33, who has daughter Bonnie, two, with his actress wife Amy Walsh, 37, says: “My journey into fatherhood had its wonderful times, but there were also struggles. There was a shift in my mental health. My emotions were heightened. There was more joy, more sadness…everything got stretched. That was hard to navigate. The cacophony of noise, lack of sleep… you feel like you’re not good enough, like you’re failing as a father.”

Toby is dad to Bonnie, 2 (Image: DAILY MIRROR)

Toby began researching dads’ mental health to see if it was normal to feel the way he did, but struggled to find anything he could relate to. Instead, he found solace in Amy’s Emmerdale story-line about postnatal depression. Toby says: “I remember scenes where she was struggling to cope and finding it overwhelming. I remember referencing her character to her, saying, ‘I feel exactly like that’. But there was no male reference point.”

Toby is working with charities Future Men, Maternal Mental Health Alliance and PANDAS to make his new film as accurate as possible – and they have said it could be a “game changer for paternal mental health”. He adds: “Men don’t talk enough. Fathers don’t talk enough. I didn’t have many mates who had been on the same journey so there was no one to say, ‘Yes, that is hard’. That’s genuinely all you need to hear. Of course you can love your baby but also, it’s bloody hard.”

He played Gray Atkins in Eastenders (Image: BBC/Jack Barnes/Kieron McCarron)

The film is set to be a family affair, with Toby playing the lead and Amy starring as his wife. The actor, who adores being a dad, says he has a wonderful relationship with little Bonnie. “It took time to develop as she didn’t need me so much at the beginning,” he says. “But I remember the shift to her becoming a daddy’s girl. All of a sudden she was toddling up to me and it felt like a pay-off. It’s the best.”

There are also signs Bonnie might follow in her parents’ footsteps and become an actress. Toby reveals: “She loves a crowd and she loves to show off. Everything is, ‘Watch me!’” Toby has 12 days left to reach the £10,000 goal to fund his new film. Calling for support, he adds: “I believe this film will speak to many dads out there who may need some support and will hopefully spark those important conversations.”